I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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