You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
