If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"