Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is the high leading the old right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door