The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid