even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.