Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
