I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
