apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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