Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
