summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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