I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
