Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Buhtt sex?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
