i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
