so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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