and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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