that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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