Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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