I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
