During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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