i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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