you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
