whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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