i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
