either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
