There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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