Someone shit on the floor
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
