Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
