So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
