I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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