My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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