I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
