its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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