tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
