also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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