Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
