u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
