my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
