Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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