He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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