i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
