I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How external is "for external use only"?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
