wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
