oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Someone shattered a urinal.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
