so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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