All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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