How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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