Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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