My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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