It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
