I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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