I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize