I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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