how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize