I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
