I got chris browned last night
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
