In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
