I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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