I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
