Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
