i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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