Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
