It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
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Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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