you have to choose: penises or morals?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
