if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
