why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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