ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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