He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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