i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
