theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
