apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
