He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
