Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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