Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
