I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
