When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
