I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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