I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
