Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
