Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
