If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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