Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
