My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
